Author - Hope, Guest Blogger
The decision to talk to a professional about struggles you are having navigating daily life isn’t always an easy one. The thought of having to admit to someone that you are failing at something can be anxiety-inducing in itself. The initial phone call to a licensed therapist’s office to set up an appointment brought a mixed bag of emotions. Relief for finally taking the step, then dread and exhaustion as I realized I was going to have to tell my whole story to a stranger. I wanted off the emotional rollercoaster.
The Beginning is Never Easy
I walked into my first appointment clutching the printouts of the questionnaires that screen for anxiety and depression. I had already Googled what my answers indicated; moderate depression and severe anxiety disorder. It didn’t matter, I was already numb. I didn’t care what it was called. We got down to business. Some of the first questions thrown my way were:
What brings you here
Are you taking medication
How are you coping with the problems that brought you here
What are you hoping to accomplish
If I waved a magic wand, what would your perfect life look like
What does happy look like
I couldn’t even answer the magic wand question, and happy? Is that even a real thing? I already had zero self-worth, and this introductory process made it even worse. I sat there, uncomfortably for what seemed like hours, struggling to answer questions as she scribbled on a yellow legal pad in her lap. It will get better, my therapist told me.
Lack of Connection to Your Therapist is a Warning Sign
Over the course of the next 18 months, I went to see her every week. In the beginning, I felt like she was sticking up for my then spouse, almost defending his controlling, adultering behaviors. I wanted to stop seeing her but the thought of having to start over with another therapist was terrifying to me.
There were times when I was talking to her, I would look up and her eyes would be glazed over. It was obvious she was mentally somewhere other than in her office. It frustrated me that she would give me “homework” and tell me we would go over it next week, but we never went over it. I began taking an antidepressant because therapy and exercise weren’t helping. I still went to therapy every week even though I felt like all I was to her was another payment.
Exploring Your Options is Vital to Your Healing Process
Refusing to start over with another therapist, I turned to social media thinking that if I talked to others that shared a similar diagnosis I would find the comfort that I was looking for. I had been away from social media for about 5 years. With today’s technology, that is the equivalent of about 50 years. I fumbled my way around and discovered that there were groups for everything. In the beginning, it was an enormous comfort to share experiences with people who showed empathy for my struggles. There was a lot of advice, some good, some not so great, but more importantly, I felt a connection. People cared.
It was through these groups that I first heard of Life Coaching. I did some research and discovered that life coaches didn’t have a college degree hanging on their wall announcing their major in psychology. Life coaches typically had real experiences with the very things I was going through. The book knowledge my current therapist was imparting on me wasn’t working but there was no way I was going to ask my spouse for money to pay for more therapy that our health insurance wouldn’t cover.
I connected with a member from one of my self-help groups on social media who was just getting started with life coaching. He agreed to do sessions with me for no charge. I figured I didn’t have anything to lose. Over the next several months I learned so much about myself and found my inner strength, I was finally making progress that wasn’t related to a pill bottle. For me, I needed the realistic approach and non-clinical methods my life coach used to help me heal and grow. I never felt that I was just another name in his appointment book.
Find What Works for You
If I had not put my trust into the hands of a life coach I know I would not be the strong, confident (most days) woman I am today. This journey isn’t one that ends, we never stop growing emotionally. My life coach’s goal wasn’t to get to a point where I no longer needed him like my clinical therapists were. His goal was for me to continue to grow and discover the ways I could find peace and happiness with myself. Not with an imaginary wand, but through my own hard work. Life coaches aren’t for everyone, just like clinical therapists aren’t for everyone. Don’t be afraid to try a new therapist or even a life coach if your current therapy isn’t working for you. Believe it or not, it’s a whole lot easier telling your story over to someone new than it is to stay in the place you're in.